“So they can say that the trains run on time
Another man there was made the trains run on time.”
At the risk of exposing my student leftist days, Tim Freedman from The Whitlams echoed these words in the anti-gambling song ‘Blow up the Pokies.’
Freedman was referring to the fascists who, apart from all there other faults, apparently managed to make the trains stick to their schedule.
While gambling seems to be the order of the campaign in Melbourne, it was the trains that grabbed the headlines in Bendigo this week.
The Liberals’ Transport spokesman Terry Mulder visited Bendigo on Monday, not to necessarily make the trains run on time, but to make them run.
His press conference on the almost abandoned Kangaroo Flat station resulted in a stunning series of events that could not have been dreamt up.
Anyway, more about that later.
The first delay of the week centred around the ballot draw for the local seats.
On Friday, pollies of all colours got together for the Victorian Electoral Commission’s drawing of the local positions on the ballot.
The two Lower House draws went by pretty smoothly, with the two Liberal candidates getting top billing.
However, the Upper House draw was, well, drawn out.
A last-minute independent nomination in Melbourne for the Northern Region seat saw a delay while the candidate’s nominees references were checked.
Anyway after about two hours, and with a lot of high-profile candidates standing around, things were finally sorted and order was returned.
Attention on Monday then turned to trains, and delays again dominated.
I am not sure exactly what the definition of ‘irony’ is, but I am pretty sure we saw some of it on the Bendigo to Melbourne track at the start of the week.
Mr Mulder took the train to Bendigo on Monday to release the latest plank in the Liberal’s transport policy.
The policy would see every V/Line train stop at the Kangaroo Flat station, a total of 34 more each day.
The announcement was planned so media crews could get vision of Mr Mulder and the two local Liberal candidates on the platform chatting while a train came ‘hurtling’ past.
However, that train never came, and Mr Mulder and his offsider had to leave to catch another train back to Melbourne.
Mr Mulder was told the expected train did not run because of a signal failure between Sunbury and Gisborne.
Mr Mulder’s train was also affected by the signal failure and he was told he would need to take a bus to Kyneton and then a train to Melbourne.
However, when he got to Kyneton, they were told they would need to bus it all the way.
The pair were then ushered into a ‘Holiday Adventures’ bus, prompting some quick wits.
“Travelling V/Line is certainly one hell of an adventure, but I am sure my fellow travellers don’t agree,” Mr Mulder said.
The upshot of the trip was that Mr Mulder was late for a meeting in Melbourne, but who was the meeting with?
You guessed it, Mr Mulder had a scheduled 1.35pm meeting with the managing director of ... V/Line.
With apologies to Freedman, I have penned a little version of his hit song below:
BLOW UP THE LOCIES
There was the train, two red lights and a dodgy PA
You were on time way back then,
And its strange that you’ve changed again, and again.
And I wish I, wish I knew the right time
To make it to the station, walk out of this place
All these new trains are a battle
Tell me when will I be home again?
Don’t, don’t explain
I know these are meant to be faster trains,
Why then is it a longer journ?
Just for safety, I do yearn, I do yearn
And I wish I, wish I knew the right time
To make it to the station, walk out of this place
All these new trains are a battle
Tell me, when will I be home again?
And I wish I, wish I knew the real cost
Of these new locies and the new tracks
‘Cause the money is needed in hospitals
Why do we try to make Melbourne in record time
Shiny billboards, it’s a real show
Why it’s needed, I don’t really know
Two train tracks were once there
And now there is half a pair, half a pair
And I wish I, wish I knew the right time
To make it to the station, walk out of this place
All these new trains are a battle
Tell me, when will I be home again?
And I wish I, wish I knew the real cost
Of these new locies and the new tracks
‘Cause the money is needed in hospitals
Why do we try to make Melbourne in record time
~Another man there was made the trains run on time
