The heart of the matter

Steve Kendall | Bendigo Weekly | 14-Feb-2014

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BLOODY Valentine’s Day.
For my whole life it has been a disaster. I have never received cakes or roses or chocolate.

I have never managed to open a card from an unknown admirer.

I just don’t fall into the category where women fall all over me.

Some blokes walk into a room and all the heads turn, I walk into a room and all the heads turn away.
So when it came to the school mailbox for Valentine’s Day there was never a card from an amorous classmate.

This was probably a good thing at school as only boys went there, and I wasn’t that in need of a card.

I have picked up a few along the way from partners of the time, but that really doesn’t count. You know they fancy you at least a bit.

It’s the mystery ones which raise the sparkle, or so I imagine anyway.
I have been known to send one or two in the distant past, usually in some misguided attempt to sway favour in my direction. It never worked.

No one realised they were from me, I didn’t even become a suspect from the ladies in question.

I just didn’t appear on the radar.

When I was a feckless youth of 17 or so, I remember sending cards via friends from all around the world to the particular object of my affections.
She had cards from Washington and Edinburgh and Hawai’i at least.

I even sent one from Fleet Street where I worked to let her realise it was a local interest.

Of course her being 20 and far senior to me, meant once again I fell by the wayside in the romance stakes.

Thankfully I can’t remember her name, so I won’t be able to embarrass myself and her any further in print.

There is always entertainment in a workplace, where purely with a sense of fun you send a card to a colleague.

They may be pleased, they may be horrified, but the pay off for the practical joker who sent the card in the first place is when they contact their partner to thank them, only to receive a stony silence.

Can’t say I have ever done that one, but maybe you’d like to try it?

Just this week I was reminded of the other side of this by a chief executive officer of one of our city’s finest groups.

He was working away in Benalla and received a big bunch of flowers and a well-written card which set his pulse racing such was its intent.

He telephoned his wife back in Bendigo to thank her for the flowers and the card.

Mrs CEO had not sent them, and I understand our Benella traveller still bears the scars.

 twitter: @stevekendall1

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